I remind myself that I’m doing a good job.
Yesterday I was feeling a lot of fear. Fear that normally would make me want to hide in my go to coping mechanisms: overwork or distract myself on the phone. But I tried holding space for the fear. I let it exist and take up as much space as it wanted without letting it influence my actions. It sometimes reached my thoughts, but I was aware and didn’t let it grab hold of too much of my thinking process.
The fear was extreme doubt about my creative work. It said ,“do I even have a chance at making it work out?” I let this fear be in a space around my chest. It seemed to emanate a few inches out from my physical body. This amount of fear is usually overwhelming. It was so much, yet I was still able to let it exist and not be overwhelmed. While interacting with people during the day, I experienced triggering moments when the fear would usually have spiraled out of control. Moments where I might have reacted strongly. I just kept giving it space while holding my ground. I didn’t let it take the driver’s seat. I let it sit and breathe and be. After a while, all this fear seemed to diminish by itself. Despite being quite large, it was manageable. It didn’t kill me. I wasn’t a mess. I was ok.
Fear only wants attention. Fear only wants love.
Now peace can grow, love can jump, curiosity can run free.