From time to time I pray.
For most of my life, my prayers have been a desperate plea to God, any God. Sometimes I pray to Jesus, sometimes to Buddha, sometimes to the universe directly, or sometimes to my ancestors. I have been highly skeptical of prayer because except for a few times, it never seems like I get any response. My first prayers as a child were hoping that I did not die and that my parents would not die. Then, as an adolescent I would pray for things that I wanted to happen in my life. I remember bargaining with God so that he would get me into the college that I wanted to go to. I didn’t get in and for a while I was angry with God. In my twenties, I began praying for wisdom, clarity, and guidance. I also began meditating more seriously at the time, hoping to establish a better connection with God/the universe. This is when I thought I first began to receive subtle messages from God, guiding me towards certain paths. After a while though, I grew frustrated with prayer again for lack of response and I gave it up.
Recently, I have started to pray again. I’m praying differently this time. It’s no longer a desperate, bargaining tone. I thank God more, and I have conversations with the universe. Since I believe that the intelligence or force that created us is inside and outside of us, talking to God is a bit like talking to myself nowadays with the difference being that I address God and include him in my self-talk as a third person. I also imagine that my prayer is going out into this universe. I allow God to be my confidant, helper, and healer. I imagine that I am befriending the universe and asking for guidance. This way of praying feels soothing and allows space for me to express myself fully and humble myself by asking for help without making demands.
I imagine that God is the intelligent aspect of the universe. The intention, vibration, and energy of my prayer goes out into the universe and is heard. It feels intimate and real.
I believe that we need some connection to our creator and the universe because we are but grains of sand in this world. We may be hopelessly battered by the waves of causal events. But knowing that we are in fact connected to the waves and everything else in some way, knowing that we are part of the source, gives relief and purpose as a grain of sand.
Here’s what I prayed today:
Universe, thank you for all the gifts you’ve bestowed upon me.
I am struggling today with feelings of loss and also great love.
Help grant those that I love wisdom, happiness, and freedom. Help grant all people wisdom, happiness, and freedom.
Give me the wisdom to see my purpose and may my purpose be aligned with your will.
Guide me in my relationships to know when to help others, when to give up, and when to persevere.
Guide my emotions and thoughts so they may be clear and centered.
Help me see the areas where I can improve so that I may best the version of me.
Show me how I can. heal myself and others if it is possible.
Thank you.